Pope Francis Offers Molested Kids 10% Off At Vatican City Gift Shop

Photo: The Onion

VATICAN CITY—In a gesture of goodwill intended to show the Papacy’s support for victims, Pope Francis announced Thursday that children who have been sexually abused by Catholic clergy would receive 10 percent off at the Vatican City gift shop. “While we will never be able to completely undo the damage that was done, it is my hope that those who were sexually abused can ease some of their pain by enjoying a discount on hats, T-shirts, and other merch at our lovely gift shop,” said the Pontiff, who explained that the reduced prices would be offered to anyone who could provide proof of molestation and came forward prior to his rise to the Papacy in 2013. “These were heinous crimes, and Christ calls on us to be generous towards those who have suffered. So please, browse the wide selection of devotional statuettes and decorative crucifixes available in our store, or go online and enter the code ‘MOLESTED’ to get the discount as well as free shipping on any orders over $100.” Pope Francis added that any clergy abuse victims who visited the Vatican in person could also enjoy a complimentary framed photo of either him or Pope Benedict.

Advertisement

Share This Story