Pope Francis has made efforts to modernize the Catholic Church by embracing technology, saying that he would not judge homosexuals, and considering the removal of celibacy as a requirement of the priesthood. Here are some of the other progressive reforms the pope is considering:

  • New Bible with stronger female characters
  • Cocking mitre slightly to the side
  • Embracing more modern contraceptive methods such as pulling out and having sex in a bathtub
  • Rebooting Satan with darker backstory
  • Concluding every sermon, mass, and blessing with the phrase “But that’s just my opinion”
  • Denim vestments
  • Replacing cross logo with stylish interlocking “JC” monogram
  • Abolishing Catholic Church