Illustration for article titled Pope Francis Rides Into St. Peter’s Square On Giant Glowing Lamb For Easter Mass

VATICAN CITY—Emphatically asking the crowd if they were “ready to embrace the redemption offered in the blood of Christ” as pipe organ hymns blasted from the speaker system and multicolored, laser-projected doves fluttered across the buildings’ stone facades, Pope Francis reportedly rode into St. Peter’s Square Sunday atop a giant gleaming lamb to deliver Easter Mass. “Let’s get this Mass of Our Lord’s Resurrection started up with some rite of blessing!” said the pontiff through his wireless headset microphone as he stepped down from the colorful 10-foot-tall symbol of purity and sacrifice, before leading a crucifix formation of cardinals wearing sequined vestments up the basilica steps while they chanted an antiphon in harmony and performed a synchronized, double-time sprinkling of water. “Now let me hear the faithful in here say, ‘Peace be with you!’ Yeah, I want to slow it down with this next reading from the First Epistle of Peter, so raise those candles in the air!” After pyrotechnics in liturgical colors exploded from the tops of the colonnades encircling the plaza, the lights in the square reportedly cut out, leaving only a single spotlight on Pope Francis as a glowing LED crown of thorns appeared on his head and, using a concealed rigging system, he ascended to the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica to deliver a homily on humility.


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