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Pope Francis Served Eucharist Jell-O While Recovering From Surgery

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ROME—Steeling himself to eat the unappetizing concoction as he sat in his hospital bed, Pope Francis on Tuesday was reportedly served Eucharist Jell-O while recovering from colon surgery. “They said it’ll be a few more days until I can eat solid Eucharist again, but in the meantime I have to admit this stuff is pretty gross,” said the Supreme Pontiff, choking down his ninth single-serving cup of Eucharist Jell-O in three days of post-surgery hospitalization. “Loaves and fishes this ain’t, I’ll say that much. It’s clearly been sitting out for days. The nurses told me that this will help bring me healing salvation while I recover from surgery, but it tastes like absolute ass. I’d just throw it away, but I’m hungry, and you can’t exactly drop the body of Christ into the trash can. I just hope I can gut through it and keep it all down.” Pope Francis admitted to reporters that his only saving grace was being able to press a button on his bedside and a nurse would come to increase the levels of his communion wine IV drip.