RALEIGH, NC—Stating that he wanted to find the option that best fit his budget and viewing habits, local man Jim Hinney told reporters Thursday he was trying to decide which among a pornographic website’s many subscription plans was right for him. “The $19.99 basic package seems pretty nice, but for an extra $5 you can get the 24/7 webcam, free access to 5000 facial and Asian gang-bang videos, two private chat sessions per month, and an all-access pass to the VIP section,” Hinney said as he mulled over an even pricier premium package that reportedly comes bundled with a “Teens-Only Whack-Pack” video collection and free membership in a partner site called Anal Annihilation. “Meanwhile, the yearly plan seems like the best value, but what if I make my way through their archives in a few months and am then stuck paying until my subscription runs out? I need to make sure I’m getting a sufficient amount of original adult hardcore footage at a reasonable monthly price. We just started Eric in daycare so budgeting is an issue.” Sources confirmed Hinney later decided against purchasing any of the site’s packages, having suddenly remembered the internet offers more free pornography than any one person could possibly view in a single lifetime.
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