ATHENS, GA—Admitting they had become so swept up in logistics that they had failed to get a start on the night's revelry, a local group of friends told reporters Friday they had foolishly squandered their entire pregame by actually planning out the course of their evening. “At first we were just casually wondering where we'd go out, and the next thing you know, we’ve blown two hours plotting the exact order of bars and parties to hit without having poured ourselves a single drink or cranked up any music,” said 22-year-old Mary Fulmont, who confirmed that, as she and her friends made careful calculations of various clubs' covers and drink-price-versus-quality ratios, both beer and vodka sat unopened in her apartment's kitchen. “There was a good 45 minutes where we just went around speculating whether the new place on Third Street was worth trying. God, that would have been the perfect moment to crack something open. What fools we were to miss out on that.” Despite having made such meticulous plans, Fulmont then canceled the evening's events, saying that without having loudly sung along to "Break Free" and taken group photos together in her living room, there was no point in going out at all.

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