When taking prescription drugs, it is vital to be fully informed about proper usage. Here are some helpful hints to ensure your safety:
- Prescription drugs should be kept far out of reach of children, even if they cry, "Please, please, may I have my medicine?"
- Some people say you should not exceed the recommended dosage on the bottle. But, come on, it's medicine–it's good for you.
- Stay away from that Lipitor shit. It's like hosting a Filipino drag-queen knife fight in your skull.
- If you take medication daily, a useful accessory is a seven-day pill case, which helps you keep track of your intake and serves as a depressing symbol of your mortality.
- If the pharmacist says your prescription will take 45 minutes to an hour to fill, say "Oh, no," and fall over dead.
- Never mix prescription painkillers with alcohol, unless you like to party really, really hard.
- Most people don't realize how much pharmacists enjoy haggling over the price of medications.
- To reduce the risk of mix-ups at the pharmacy, bring a bat with a nail in it.
- Most pills should not be taken on an empty stomach. Sprinkle a handful onto a salad.
- If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one with you right there in the store, the shit's probably no good.
- If you are ever in doubt about the safety of a particular medication, consult a qualified physician. He will be happy to pooh-pooh your concerns.