Illustration for article titled Prize Hog Doesn’t Know How She Can Retain Competition-Ready Body For Another Year

HEDRICK, IA—After the upcoming county fair and its swine show were postponed indefinitely due to the coronavirus pandemic, sources confirmed Wednesday that prize hog Myrtle doesn’t know how she can retain her competition-ready body for another year. “I’ve been training for months with a very strict feeding and sleeping regimen and was feeling really good, so it’s pretty frustrating that all that preparation was for nothing,” said the 7-month-old sow, who worried she would lose any chance to build on her blue ribbon from a local 4-H competition in early March and miss out on ever being able to compete on the county fair stage. “By the time they allow competitions again, I’m afraid I’ll be past my prime. It takes a lot of work carefully building up my girth and stamina to peak right when competitions happen. It’s not like I can keep up this level of flab on my frame in the long term. Jeez, and I even learned to juggle, too.” The prize hog added that she was especially concerned for her competitive future after learning that the coronavirus was causing a pork shortage and observing that her owner was firing up the family smoker. 

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