CHICAGO—Causing everyone in the conversation to feel awkward about his concerning statements, sources confirmed Monday that their problematic friend began arguing that controversial rapper and designer Kanye West actually made some good points about shoes. “All I’m saying is some of the things he’s been saying about shoes aren’t entirely inaccurate,” said Lance Harris, explaining that Ye is simply being silenced for fighting back against the dominant forces that control footwear. “People are blowing what he’s saying out of proportion; he’s just got revolutionary ideas on sneakers that most just aren’t ready for. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious how much money goes to them? Some people just aren’t ready to accept the truth about shoes.” At press time, Harris had reportedly gone off the deep end by claiming the shoes will replace us.
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