COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA—Preferring not to dictate the specifics of his social exclusion, progressive local parents Brad and Monica Tull are letting their son Josh choose his own method of being loathed and mocked by his peers, the couple reported Monday. “Rather than impose our own interests on Josh, our approach is to give him the opportunity to pick out the reasons he’s mercilessly bullied and made fun of every day at school,” said Monica Tull, citing her son’s unrestricted access to a broad menu of pursuits that will earn his classmates’ derision, such as the oboe, Magic: The Gathering, and theater set design. “Frankly, we wish our parents had given us such freedom of choice, instead of forcing us into activities like tap classes and scouting. Through our hands-off strategy, Josh will get to experience daily torment and cultivate very few friends on his own terms, not ours.” The permissive, open-minded parents added that instead of telling Josh what to wear each morning, they always let him select from an array of department-store-brand sweatshirts and ill-fitting corduroy pants.
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