WASHINGTON—In response to numerous complaints from consumers with U.S.-regulation buttocks, congressional lawmakers proposed new legislation Tuesday that would require airline seats to meet federal ass standards. “The average ass, as mandated by the Federal Ass Standards Act, needs to have at least 34-35 inches of space, and right now the majority of airlines are in clear violation of ass-to-seat-size guidelines,” said Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL), noting that the bill would require the Federal Aviation Administration to enforce the ass standard and impose severe fines on any airline that doesn’t provide enough rump room for its customers. “Passengers shouldn’t be forced to cram their ample keisters into an uncomfortable 17-inch seat. This new law will ensure that every fanny, tochus, and badonkadonk within the scope of these guidelines gets appropriate cush for the tush.” Nelson added that the proposal would also allow airlines to require passengers to purchase an additional seat if the junk in their trunk exceeds the federal limit.

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