Many cities, venues, and scholastic institutions have banned bottled water following campaigns by environmental groups, but critics warn such bans can have harmful unintended effects. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of banning bottled water.


PRO

Frees up valuable landfill space for more garbage

Huge boon for the cow bladder waterskin industry

It rains, don’t it?

Reclaim trunk space from case of bottled water that sits there for months

Reusable water bottles only need to be replaced every few days when they get lost

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CON

Highly impractical having to hold water in palms of hands

Bottled water labels only place left to see majestic glaciers and pristine lakes

Can’t sneak vodka into church

Harder to get daily recommended dose of polyethylene terephthalate

Likely the only kind of potable water left once society collapses