Many cities, venues, and scholastic institutions have banned bottled water following campaigns by environmental groups, but critics warn such bans can have harmful unintended effects. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of banning bottled water.
PRO
Frees up valuable landfill space for more garbage
Huge boon for the cow bladder waterskin industry
It rains, don’t it?
Reclaim trunk space from case of bottled water that sits there for months
Reusable water bottles only need to be replaced every few days when they get lost
CON
Highly impractical having to hold water in palms of hands
Bottled water labels only place left to see majestic glaciers and pristine lakes
Can’t sneak vodka into church
Harder to get daily recommended dose of polyethylene terephthalate
Likely the only kind of potable water left once society collapses