Illustration for article titled Pros And Cons Of Banning Peanuts In Schools

More schools across the U.S. are banning peanuts in response to a rise in children with peanut allergies, while critics say that prohibiting them entirely goes too far. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of banning peanuts in schools.


PRO

Lets bullies learn valuable lesson about how pranking allergic kids with peanuts actually very dangerous.

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Less chance of attracting elephants.

Nothing else in school system to fix.

Additional reason to randomly search bags.

Janitors don’t have to clean up as many deceased children.


CON

Unfair to genetically superior children.

Banning peanuts will only make elementary school peanut black market grow even stronger.

Death of classmate typically gets you at least a half day.

Most teachers only make enough money to afford peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.

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Actually much safer to allow trained teachers to concealed-carry peanuts.

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