Chicago is the latest U.S. city to approve the construction of a casino, a move that has stoked both excitement and controversy among residents. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of casinos.
PRO
- Easier to displace minorities when there’s financial backing from city
- Only way to persuade Celine Dion to visit your shitty town
- Lots of felt to touch
- Somewhere to go while kid at school
- Gambling addiction keeps residents from moving away, shoring up local tax base
CON
- Lures millions of tourists away from local folklore and craft museum
- Really thought ball was going to land on red
- Sitting hunched over slot machine all day losing all your money is bad for your back
- Gambling still not as fun as drugs
- Money you spend at casinos should really be going to DraftKings
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