A new report by the Pew Research Center predicts that as many as one in four millennials will never get married, in part because they aren’t as financially stable and in part because they don’t regard marriage as highly as did their parents’ generation. Here are some pros and cons of never getting married:
PROS
- Less pressure for side-by-side burial plots
- Don’t have to sacrifice your goat on wedding day
- Avenges all the mistakes your parents made raising you
- Will get to have sex with a different attractive person every night for the rest of your life
- Children can grow up steeped in dizzying ambiguities
- Rebuilding America by avoiding needless tax benefits
- Can live life unfettered by oppressive institution that represents undying love for person you care for more than anything in world
CONS
- Codependence less adorable without signed contract
- Any children you have outside of marriage become public property
- Have to go through life without the sage counsel of mother-in-law
- No wedding ring to throw onto poker table
- One less thing to exclude Rebecca from
- Easier for partner to disappear with kids to Mexico
- Will one day have to introduce 85-year-old woman as “girlfriend”
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