Pros And Cons Of Noise-Canceling Headphones

Noise-canceling headphones are increasingly popular, but many people think they’re not worth the purchase. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of buying noise-canceling headphones.

PRO

Closest you’ll ever get to having a private office at work.

Allows students to study while blocking out annoying gunfire.

You might get hit by a truck.

Can block out unwanted noise while still listening to music at a safe, cowardly volume.

Valuable tool for keeping life at arm’s length.

CON

Might miss some beautiful noise.

Would be super embarrassing to not hear a murderer sneaking up behind you.

Does nothing to block out your coworkers’ stupid fucking faces.

Can lead to dangerous dependency on silence.

Hearing things was your last non-commercial connection to the world.