The dramatic effects of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic on the U.S. economy have given rise to calls for America to restart, while critics warn that reopening America before the pandemic abates will have grave long-term consequences. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of reopening America before the coronavirus pandemic ends.
PRO
Get to use internet outside again.
Can enjoy shared sense of PTSD.
Beers with the boys at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Social Security problem solved.
Definitely better option from virus’s perspective.
CON
Already burned business down for insurance money.
Was just getting hang of not taking things for granted.
Hard to dig mass grave while staying six feet apart.
TikTok account was just starting to get some traction.
“Thousands” of “people” may “die.”