The Department of Veterans Affairs and many medical facilities have announced they will begin requiring employees to be vaccinated against Covid-19, as other states and companies debate whether to make vaccinations mandatory. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of requiring Covid vaccinations.
PRO
- Fake vaccination cards very lucrative business opportunity
- Good way to keep HR department busy for a few months
- Would saves millions of innocent profits
- Always fun to piss off Eric Clapton
- Surely there’s at least some benefit in taking rudimentary public health measures
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CON
- Cruise ships more exciting when there a public health threat on board
- Could cripple America’s burgeoning ventilator industry
- Just came up with new argument about how this is related to Holocaust
- Waste of perfectly good needles intended for intravenous opiate use
- Violates deeply held American values of recklessly endangering others
