Pros And Cons Of Requiring Covid Vaccinations

The Department of Veterans Affairs and many medical facilities have announced they will begin requiring employees to be vaccinated against Covid-19, as other states and companies debate whether to make vaccinations mandatory. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of requiring Covid vaccinations.

PRO

• Fake vaccination cards very lucrative business opportunity
• Good way to keep HR department busy for a few months
• Would saves millions of innocent profits
• Always fun to piss off Eric Clapton
• Surely there’s at least some benefit in taking rudimentary public health measures

CON

• Cruise ships more exciting when there a public health threat on board
• Could cripple America’s burgeoning ventilator industry
• Just came up with new argument about how this is related to Holocaust
• Waste of perfectly good needles intended for intravenous opiate use
• Violates deeply held American values of recklessly endangering others