Academic tenure continues to decline in U.S. institutions of higher learning, as colleges increasingly look to reduce tenure-track positions in favor of more flexibility in spending. The Onion examines at the pros and cons of giving teachers tenure.


PRO

Would be nice to have one good job left in nation.

Least we can do to maintain facade that America cares about teachers.

Complacent, incompetent professors better prepare students for complacent, incompetent bosses.

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Just think about what these poor fuckers have to deal with.


CON

Giving tenure could be slippery slope to fair pay.

People don’t do their best work unless they’re afraid job could be terminated at any moment.

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Mr. Galliano is a fucking prick.

Implies that we need teachers at all.