Long-term social isolation plans due to the coronavirus pandemic have shined the spotlight on voting by mail for the remaining primaries and even the November elections, a process that is already used in some states but has its share of critics. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of voting by mail.
PRO
Furiously research ballot measures at last minute from comfort of your own home
Delicious adhesive on envelope
Creates nice, tidy piles of mail-in ballots to be conveniently lost somewhere
No need to rent tux
Potential several-day delay before being let down by outcome
CON
Walk to mailbox a real drag
Eliminates only plausible excuse for loitering at middle school
Candidates still fucking awful
Unclear if USPS can handle huge responsibility right in middle of getting dismantled
Risks easily facilitating nation’s participation in democracy