Proud Boys React To Harsh Sentences For Capitol Riots

“Those insurrectionists sicken me and don’t represent my values or the values of dozens of members like me who only joined the Proud Boys because we hate women.”

“Yet if a group of Black men attacked the Capitol, you know they’d get off with a slap on the wrist.”

“The prison I’m going to is still segregated, so it’s basically heaven.”

“I hope the state knows that for every Proud Boy they send to prison, three more idiots will spring up in his place.”

“This is basically just a state-sponsored study abroad program for me to immerse myself in white suprematist gang culture.”

“Unsettling to see the United States judicial system dole out such fair and justifiable sentences.”

“The Capitol insurrection was a false flag operation. Pop off those so-called Proud Boys’ heads and you’ll see they’re Pelosi-constructed DNC androids.”

“This really puts a damper on my plan to storm the Japanese Capitol building on vacation.”

“I don’t feel anything because I am a man.”

“My favorite hobbies are loitering and assault, so I think I’m gonna dig the vibe.”

“Kind of offended they only gave me 10 years for all the work I did.”

“It’s sick that our government is going after these guys when millions of women still freely walk the streets.”

“Going to prison for nearly two decades was the plan all along, don’t you see?”

“I’m so upset. Right now I need to just storm the Capitol and clear my head.”

“All I can say is that the first election after we get out will be anarchy.”

“Yeah, going to prison sucks. I’d rather go to Disneyland and see Cogsworth. I know he’s not as popular as someone like Mickey Mouse or Buzz Lightyear, but I personally just relate to Cogsworth more. Yep, I’m a Cogsworth man, through and through.”

“At least I’ll still be able to occasionally riot and destroy federal property in prison.”

“It’ll be hard maintaining my relationship with Nancy Pelosi, but I’m sure we can make it work.”

“Oh, Trump is gonna pardon us any minute now.”

“I mean, better to be sentenced for this than for all the sexual assaults I’ve committed.”

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