High school seniors across the country are currently weighing their options when it comes to applying for colleges, choosing between smaller, selective private schools or larger, state-funded public ones. Here are the arguments for attending each:
PUBLIC
- With public universities so overcrowded, you’ll find plenty of friends
- Quickest way to owe state of Indiana $60,000
- Easier application process, which is probably what you should be deciding your future based on
- One of the additional 25,000 people within the same square mile bound to have notes from previous lecture
- You’ll meet plenty of exotic students from all over your home state
- Can easily donate to your alma mater by paying taxes
- MSU was good enough for your father; it’ll be good enough for you
PRIVATE
- Larger endowment to be poured into covering up sexual assault cases
- Easier to tell the difference between townies and students
- More prestigious name to impress your bankruptcy attorney with
- Average private school degree opens up 16.3 more doors over lifetime
- Close-knit community of students will allow you to feel more guilt when friendships slowly fall apart after graduation
- Greater chance rapist will go on to be influential politician or captain of industry
- Four more years spent operating under intoxicating delusion that you are unique