SAN JUAN, PR—Saying that their fellow countrymen were probably deluged with coverage of their plight, residents of Puerto Rico who have been without power for the last month told reporters Thursday that they could only assume that this crisis had to be the nation’s leading news story. “I mean, I haven’t heard anything due to being without electricity for so long, but I assume this catastrophe is dominating the 24-hour news cycle in the rest of the country,” said 46-year-old Mariel Costa, one of 3.4 million Puerto Ricans who felt positive that news sources like The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, Fox News, and other media organizations must be unable to cover much of anything else but the ongoing humanitarian crisis happening in the U.S. territory since Hurricane Maria devastated the island five weeks ago. “This many Americans struggling to survive without electricity or clean drinking water for so long; it must be all the rest of the country is talking about. It’s probably gut wrenching for them to be confronted by the photos of this tragedy on a daily basis. It really keeps us going knowing that our American brothers and sisters care and are thinking about us constantly.”At press time, news outlets were reportedly clamoring to cover the recently released classified files on President John F. Kennedy’s assassination more than 50 years ago.
More from The Onion