BURNSVILLE, NC—As they adjusted to the dramatic shift in messaging, followers of right-wing conspiracy group QAnon were reportedly frustrated Friday after their anonymous leader, known only as “Q,” called for them to respect the election results and unite behind president-elect Joe Biden.
“In his latest post, Q told us we must all come together under a Biden presidency in order to heal the nation, and while that may be a nice sentiment, I’m not sure if he wants us to just set aside all the stuff we believe about Democrats or what,” said local QAnon adherent Jeff White, who expressed the confusion plaguing many in his group when he asked how he was supposed to put his respect for the democratic process above his conviction that Biden belonged to a party of devil-worshipping, child-molesting cannibals. “Q’s saying that whether you’re a red-pilled freedom fighter who serves the Lord or a pedophile who drinks the blood of infants, we’re all Americans at the end of the day. In other words, sure, Joe Biden is enabling homicidal Satanists, but he’s still the person voters have chosen as their president, and you have to respect him.”
“That may sound a little crazy, but maybe Q’s right,” he continued. “Maybe if we want to make this country a better place, we have to find common ground with people who don’t necessarily share our views on the need to bring about ‘the Storm’ and stop global elites from consuming the flesh of children they traffic for sex. Look, I’m not a Biden fan, but I did notice Hillary never campaigned for him—that means there’s a good chance he had her executed, which would be a promising development for our cause.”
According to sources, most QAnon fellows were disappointed President Trump had lost reelection, but were holding out hope that John F. Kennedy Jr. would soon land his plane in Wilmington, DE and agree to head up Biden’s transition team.