Diving — China
Training: Learned how to dive by jumping into sea of Dockers at parents’ work
Advantage: No matter what happens, people in China will be told he won every single event
Endorsements: Chunri Shi Tiger Paste; Chinese Communist Party; GoDaddy.com
Style: Has grace of a tiger, though it is far more fun to watch a tiger climb a 10-meter platform and jump into a swimming pool
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Gold medals needed to spare life: 9
Events entered in: 1