Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting A New Fad Diet

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting A New Fad Diet

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Embarking on the road to weight loss can be a tough endeavor. With the number of diets increasing daily, it’s important to discover which is the right one for you before spending valuable time, energy, and money. Here are the most important questions to ask before starting a new fad diet.

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“Will it impress Alexander Skarsgård?”

“Will it impress Alexander Skarsgård?”

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We all diet to get noticed by the Big Little Lies hunk, so if it doesn’t make him more attracted to us, is it worth it?

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“Can it accommodate my competitive eating career?”

“Can it accommodate my competitive eating career?”

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Make sure the diet provides the flexibility for you to occasionally go for the record for pastrami sandwiches consumed in three minutes.

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“Is this just some quick fix?”

“Is this just some quick fix?”

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If so, that’s fantastic!

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“Can I still punish myself with food?”

“Can I still punish myself with food?”

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Does the diet allow you to restrict yourself to 400 calories a day for a week and then eat an entire sheet cake in tears?

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“Am I attractive enough to appear in a before-and-after testimonial photo?”

“Am I attractive enough to appear in a before-and-after testimonial photo?”

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Take a real hard look at not only your body but your face to determine if you are hot enough to impress casting directors and be used in a before-and-after testimonial ad for this diet.

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“Doesn’t that slice of pizza look really good right now?”

“Doesn’t that slice of pizza look really good right now?”

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Really think about whether this diet is a good idea when there’s a huge, greasy slice of pepperoni pizza in front of you.

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“Do I have enough room to store the weight I lose?”

“Do I have enough room to store the weight I lose?”

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You’ll need at least one area in your home to put the excess weight that’s no longer on your body.

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“Is this the same diet that killed Mom?”

“Is this the same diet that killed Mom?”

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She was on either the Slim Loss diet or the Slim Fit diet, I can’t remember.

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“Are these just the recommended portion sizes and food choices for a toddler?”

“Are these just the recommended portion sizes and food choices for a toddler?”

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Your pediatrician might be talking about how you should feed your young child, not yourself.

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“Why can’t I remember my name, and why is my body covered in cryptic tattoos?”

“Why can’t I remember my name, and why is my body covered in cryptic tattoos?”

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It’s hard to juggle going keto and getting closure about your erased identity.

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“How badly do I want to make my ex jealous at Hannah’s wedding?”

“How badly do I want to make my ex jealous at Hannah’s wedding?”

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Forget all the external superficial reasons for dieting and focus on what really matters.

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“Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

“Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

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Don’t let self-confidence stop you from pursuing the diet that’s right for you.

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“Didn’t this contribute to Steve Jobs’ death?”

“Didn’t this contribute to Steve Jobs’ death?”

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Yes, and that guy was a genius!

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“Is there too much wood pulp in this diet?”

“Is there too much wood pulp in this diet?”

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Some fad diets will suggest you eat non-caloric substances to aid your weight loss, but the diet shouldn’t be all old timber byproducts.

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“Are my friends and family ready for me to talk about nothing else?”

“Are my friends and family ready for me to talk about nothing else?”

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You should include your loved ones in the decision-making process since they love you and thus can’t avoid conversations with you.

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“Do you know how to use a salad fork?”

“Do you know how to use a salad fork?”

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Preliminary research is essential to weeding out diets that incorporate too much lettuce.

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“Where can I find good hippo meat?”

“Where can I find good hippo meat?”

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Even if you have to drive nine hours to find some, it’ll be totally worth the five pounds you’ll shed from working it into every meal.

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“Do I have enough friends to invite to MLM parties?”

“Do I have enough friends to invite to MLM parties?”

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If you’re going to give up good food, you may as well get some cash out of it, too.

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“Can I still eat at restaurants without being the most insufferable person my server has dealt with all day?”

“Can I still eat at restaurants without being the most insufferable person my server has dealt with all day?”

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Some diets make it very difficult to go out to eat without irritating the living fuck out of everyone who works there.

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“Does God like me a little thick?”

“Does God like me a little thick?”

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Consider what makes the Lord horny for you before doing anything drastic.

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