WASHINGTON—Rambling incoherently about the benefits of travel upon a single looped surface, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg launched an initiative Wednesday to build Möbius highways that will allow cars to drive for infinity. “See, all it takes is this little half-twist right here, and then you can keep going forever—you never run out of street!” said a frenetic Buttigieg, predicting such roadways would surpass all previous advancements in the nation’s infrastructure, including the interstate highway system and transcontinental railroads, both of which he proposed be excavated and rebuilt to comply with his new Möbius concept. “Finally, motorists will be able to drive continuously without ever braking, going around and around and around until the Earth stops spinning and the sun explodes. The transportation never stops!” Buttigieg went on to issue a department-wide order mandating all public staircases in the United States be flattened into two dimensions and replaced with Penrose steps.
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