Recycling has been practiced for most of human history, and over the last several decades, it has become a cornerstone in the fight against environmental degradation, but many myths about it persist. The Onion debunks common myths about recycling.
MYTH: Most people have a general idea of the rules of recycling.
FACT: The average individual has ruined at least 50 loads of recycling with a greasy napkin.
MYTH: Recycling protects wildlife.
FACT: Recycling coddles wildlife and prevents evolution to their ultimate form.
MYTH: Your office has a robust recycling program, at least.
FACT: Nah, it all goes in a dumpster.
MYTH: You need to wash your recyclables before disposing of them.
FACT: You need to wash then steam-dry then iron your recyclables before disposing of them.
MYTH: Wait, you don’t recycle in your house?
FACT: Try the door under the sink that looks like a cabinet.
MYTH: Old glass bottles can be recycled as repurposed gifts.
FACT: No one actually wants that.
MYTH: Recycling wastes water.
FACT: Only if you consider using millions of gallons of water to melt down old milk jugs into single-use plastics “wasteful.”
MYTH: Recycling is the most important way to help the environment.
FACT: Everyone has been sleeping on Reduce and Reuse, and this world will rue the day when their reckoning is upon us.