Yes, they wear white coats and have fancy diplomas, but doctors can still be idiots. If you spot any of these red flags, it’s time to ditch your care team immediately.
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Refers To Kidneys As ‘Bestsellers’
Refers To Kidneys As ‘Bestsellers’
That can’t be good.
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Amazed You Also Have Arms
Amazed You Also Have Arms
How much experience can they have if they assumed no one else had those appendages?
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They Practice Out Of A Chevy Tahoe
They Practice Out Of A Chevy Tahoe
The reclining seats are nice, though.
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The Receptionist Is Your Doctor In Different Clothes And A Wig
The Receptionist Is Your Doctor In Different Clothes And A Wig
Someone is short staffed and stretched too thin.
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They Ask What Hole You Want Them To Use For Your Colonoscopy
They Ask What Hole You Want Them To Use For Your Colonoscopy
Most medical professionals know the anus is the standard entry point for colonoscopies.
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They Get Easily Startled By The Beating From Your Heart
They Get Easily Startled By The Beating From Your Heart
Even worse if they run out of the room and cower behind their desk.
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They Are Only There Because Their Porsche Broke Down On Their Way To L.A. And They Learned To Love The Honesty Of Small-Town Life
They Are Only There Because Their Porsche Broke Down On Their Way To L.A. And They Learned To Love The Honesty Of Small-Town Life
The plot of Doc Hollywood doesn’t actually make you qualified for the complexities of general practice.
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They Say They Cannot Operate On You Because You Are Their Son
They Say They Cannot Operate On You Because You Are Their Son
Man, this sucks! Your dad just died in a car accident, too. What a day.
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They’re Covered By Your Insurance
They’re Covered By Your Insurance
There’s gotta be a catch.
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They Blame All Your Problems On The Railroad Spike Sticking Out Of Your Skull
They Blame All Your Problems On The Railroad Spike Sticking Out Of Your Skull
Not one question about your diet?
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Their Medical Tools Are Rusty
Their Medical Tools Are Rusty
You learn early in med school not to leave your medical equipment out in the rain.
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Their Stethoscope Is Piping Hot
Their Stethoscope Is Piping Hot
Anyone with seven years of schooling should really know better than to leave equipment on the dash of their car in the summer.
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Has Multiple Other Patients
Has Multiple Other Patients
If they’re not ready to see only you by now, they’re never going to be.
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They Suggest Running Your Blood Tests On A Theranos Edison Machine
They Suggest Running Your Blood Tests On A Theranos Edison Machine
He hasn’t checked the news in seven years.
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They Didn’t Even Try To Balance Your Humors Once
They Didn’t Even Try To Balance Your Humors Once
You know you have an overabundance of yellow bile, and you deserve a doctor that listens to you.
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Exhausted From Working Other Jobs
Exhausted From Working Other Jobs
Avoid any half-asleep doctors who just spent seven hours overnight paving a highway and forgot to take off their reflective vest.
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Asks You To Sign Surgery Liability Waiver Before Taking Your Pulse
Asks You To Sign Surgery Liability Waiver Before Taking Your Pulse
You don’t remember your last annual physical being quite this invasive.
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They Keep Prescribing You Placebo Pills
They Keep Prescribing You Placebo Pills
They’re not even being discreet about it. The note says placebo.
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They Are Dead
They Are Dead
If your doctor can’t even manage to keep themselves alive, you can’t expect them to heal you.
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When They Review Your X-Ray, They Drop It In Surprise And Exclaim, “Holy Fuck, There’s A Bunch Of Shit Inside You”
When They Review Your X-Ray, They Drop It In Surprise And Exclaim, “Holy Fuck, There’s A Bunch Of Shit Inside You”
Good shit or bad shit?!
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They Graduated From Medical School
They Graduated From Medical School
Ugh, you just know they’re gonna be so full of themselves.
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