Red Flags That Mean It’s Time Ditch Your Doctor

Red Flags That Mean It’s Time Ditch Your Doctor

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Yes, they wear white coats and have fancy diplomas, but doctors can still be idiots. If you spot any of these red flags, it’s time to ditch your care team immediately.

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Refers To Kidneys As ‘Bestsellers’

Refers To Kidneys As ‘Bestsellers’

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That can’t be good.

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Amazed You Also Have Arms

Amazed You Also Have Arms

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How much experience can they have if they assumed no one else had​ those appendages?

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They Practice Out Of A Chevy Tahoe

They Practice Out Of A Chevy Tahoe

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The reclining seats are nice, though.

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The Receptionist Is Your Doctor In Different Clothes And A Wig

The Receptionist Is Your Doctor In Different Clothes And A Wig

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Someone is short staffed and stretched too thin.

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They Ask What Hole You Want Them To Use For Your Colonoscopy

They Ask What Hole You Want Them To Use For Your Colonoscopy

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Most medical professionals know the anus is the standard entry point for colonoscopies.

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They Get Easily Startled By The Beating From Your Heart

They Get Easily Startled By The Beating From Your Heart

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Even worse if they run out of the room and cower behind their desk.

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They Are Only There Because Their Porsche Broke Down On Their Way To L.A. And They Learned To Love The Honesty Of Small-Town Life

They Are Only There Because Their Porsche Broke Down On Their Way To L.A. And They Learned To Love The Honesty Of Small-Town Life

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The plot of Doc Hollywood doesn’t actually make you qualified for the complexities of general practice.

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They Say They Cannot Operate On You Because You Are Their Son

They Say They Cannot Operate On You Because You Are Their Son

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Man, this sucks! Your dad just died in a car accident, too. What a day.

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They’re Covered By Your Insurance

They’re Covered By Your Insurance

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There’s gotta be a catch.

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They Blame All Your Problems On The Railroad Spike Sticking Out Of Your Skull

They Blame All Your Problems On The Railroad Spike Sticking Out Of Your Skull

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Not one question about your diet?

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Their Medical Tools Are Rusty

Their Medical Tools Are Rusty

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You learn early in med school not to leave your medical equipment out in the rain.

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Their Stethoscope Is Piping Hot

Their Stethoscope Is Piping Hot

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Anyone with seven years of schooling should really know better than to leave equipment on the dash of their car in the summer.

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Has Multiple Other Patients

Has Multiple Other Patients

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If they’re not ready to see only you by now, they’re never going to be.

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They Suggest Running Your Blood Tests On A Theranos Edison Machine

They Suggest Running Your Blood Tests On A Theranos Edison Machine

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He hasn’t checked the news in seven years.

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They Didn’t Even Try To Balance Your Humors Once

They Didn’t Even Try To Balance Your Humors Once

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You know you have an overabundance of yellow bile, and you deserve a doctor that listens to you.

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​Exhausted From Working Other Jobs

​Exhausted From Working Other Jobs

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Avoid any half-asleep doctors who​ ​just spent​ seven hours overnight paving a highway and forgot to take off their reflective vest.

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Asks You To Sign Surgery Liability Waiver Before Taking Your Pulse

Asks You To Sign Surgery Liability Waiver Before Taking Your Pulse

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You don’t remember your last annual physical being quite this invasive.

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They Keep Prescribing You Placebo Pills

They Keep Prescribing You Placebo Pills

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They’re not even being discreet about it. The note says placebo.

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They Are Dead

They Are Dead

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If your doctor can’t even manage to keep themselves alive, you can’t expect them to heal you.

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When They Review Your X-Ray, They Drop It In Surprise And Exclaim, “Holy Fuck, There’s A Bunch Of Shit Inside You”

When They Review Your X-Ray, They Drop It In Surprise And Exclaim, “Holy Fuck, There’s A Bunch Of Shit Inside You”

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Good shit or bad shit?!

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They Graduated From Medical School

They Graduated From Medical School

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Ugh, you just know they’re gonna be so full of themselves.

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