BOULDER, CO—Stressing the importance of remaining faithful despite what would be a night of mind-blowing ecstasy, relationship experts urged you not to cheat on your significant other Monday even though the sex will feel amazing and they will never have to know. “For a relationship to thrive, it’s essential that you remain committed to your partner despite how incredible it will feel to fuck someone else while on that business trip and how easy it would be to hide your infidelity,” said couples therapist Alex Burch, emphasizing that while the illicit nature of your affair will make the sex way hotter, it is morally wrong to act upon the temptation to sleep with someone much more attractive than your current partner. “Even though this tryst with an exciting new person would be exhilarating and unearth feelings you haven’t experienced in years, we recommend against some of the most exciting sex you’ll ever have. It takes a lot of willpower to deny yourself a once-in-a-lifetime sexual experience with a stranger who would never blab to your significant other, but in the end, it’s probably best to stick to your principles. Probably.” Burch added that as always, oral sex does not count as full-on cheating, so you should feel perfectly comfortable exploring those encounters and not telling your partner about them after.
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