FREMONT, CA—Noting that their friend’s language and demeanor had grown steadily more hostile in recent weeks, those invited to local woman Emily Schilling’s upcoming Great Gatsby party told reporters Wednesday that reminders of the event’s costume theme were becoming increasingly threatening. “At first she just posted a few Facebook updates casually reminding everyone to dress up in 1920s flapper style, but now I’m getting emails almost every day—and she left me a voicemail too,” said Schilling’s friend Liz Thompson, noting that the host’s entreaty for guests to “dress to the nines” soon became a command punctuated by an ever-lengthening trail of exclamation points and is now being preceded with the phrase “you’d better.” “This morning I woke up to a text sent at 2 a.m. saying that if I dared to show up in some outfit thrown together at the last minute, she would know. Oh, God, now I just got another one in all caps.” At press time, sources confirmed Schilling had received several RSVPs from friends explaining that, unfortunately, something had come up and they wouldn’t be able to make it to the party after all.

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