MADISON, NC—Noting that the new formula provides immediate relief to those prone to dry skin, itchiness, or rashes, weapons manufacturer Remington announced a new line of ammunition Friday made for sensitive skin. “Our new ammunition ensures that gunshot victims stay clean, clear, and under control for hours after they’re rushed into the ICU or packed into a body bag,” said company president Anthony Acitelli, adding that the specially formulated high-performance ammo hydrated skin as it penetrated the body while soothing away flakiness that could cause irritation or other pesky issues next to the bullet wound. “When you’re dragging your bullet-ridden body across a mall floor, the last thing you want to worry about is whether you’re about to have another unsightly breakout. That’s why this hypoallergenic ammunition is designed to be free of fragrances and other irritants. Our company sincerely wants you to look your best, dead or alive.” The company also announced plans to release an acne-clearing bullet specifically designed for teens before next school year.
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