Report: 0.004% Of Carbon Pollution Caused By Manufacturing Of ‘Mars Needs Moms’ Promotional Apparel

Illustration for article titled Report: 0.004% Of Carbon Pollution Caused By Manufacturing Of ‘Mars Needs Moms’ Promotional Apparel

NEW YORK—Directly linking a small but measurable amount of environmental damage to the production of the animated feature’s promotional clothing, an Environmental Defense Fund report released Wednesday revealed that 0.004% of carbon pollution worldwide resulted from the manufacturing of apparel for the film Mars Needs Moms. “Our research clearly demonstrates that the creation of printed sweatshirts featuring the logo from the 2011 Disney film resulted in the release of more than 144 million tons of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere and brought us one infinitesimal step closer to the brink of an irreversible climate crisis that will end life on earth as we know it,” the report read in part, noting also that the energy used in fabricating Mars Needs Moms garments for an IMAX promotional sweepstakes contributed to a 0.027% decrease in rainfall in the Amazonian rainforest and a sea-level rise of 0.00009 millimeters, together constituting an incremental but real setback in the fight against climate change. “After accounting for the harvesting of raw materials, dying the fabric, and transportation of the finished product, Mars Needs Moms-branded clothing marginally contributed towards the extinction of critically endangered species such as the hawksbill turtle, the Javan rhino, and the Sumatran elephant. It could be argued that producer Robert Zemeckis is one of the great minor villains of global warming, since were this film never made, we would be in an ever so slightly better position to preserve our environment.” The report concluded that the manufacturing of promotional apparel for Mars Needs Moms could be the worst fractional climate disaster of its kind, surpassed only by the release of toys commemorating the 2004 CGI adaptation of Curious George.