GAINESVILLE, FL—According to a report released Friday by researchers at the University of Florida College of Public Health, 98 percent of all sexual intercourse in Germany is recorded and uploaded to the pornographic video–sharing website Pornhub. “After careful analysis, we have discovered that almost all of the sexual activity that occurs among Germany’s 80 million residents is captured on film and subsequently submitted to the adult video–sharing site Pornhub for public viewing,” said the report’s author, Nathan Saunders, who noted that the 5 million videos uploaded by German citizens each day depict the overwhelming majority of oral, vaginal, and anal sex that occurred within the country’s borders during that 24-hour period. “This extremely high rate of recording and sharing such sex acts appears to hold true across every German demographic and fetish. The data clearly show that almost every sexual encounter, from these citizens’ eight-member orgies, to their acts of fisting, to the most banal two-minute mutual masturbation session, ultimately winds up on this particular website.” Saunders added that the study also found that only 0.000001 percent of the filmed acts of bestiality in Brazil ever make it online.

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