Report: Consumer Confidence In Amorphous, Indefinable Idea Of Economy Highest Since 2006

ANN ARBOR, MI—According to a report published Tuesday by the University of Michigan, Americans’ confidence in the nebulous, vastly complex concept of the U.S. economy has reached its highest level since 2006. “After eight years of mostly pessimistic attitudes toward the incomprehensible system of billions of moving parts they can’t even begin to imagine, let alone understand on a national scale, we found that consumers are starting to grow more optimistic about the indefinable idea of the American economy,” said senior researcher Doug Robertson, who projected that individuals’ confidence in the intricate and unknowable network of production and consumption would lead to a strong holiday shopping season. “Furthermore, as more and more people believe in the health of this amorphous abstraction they’ve never formally learned anything about and don’t even have the most basic grasp of, we expect this positive sentiment to continue upwards.” Robertson added that confidence in the fuzzy, inscrutable engine of national prosperity had reached record highs among economists as well.

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