WASHINGTON—Claiming it is more prevalent than lifting, repetitive-motion, and machine injuries combined, a new report from the Department of Labor released Tuesday found that excitedly bounding into the office remains the leading cause of workplace injuries. “We determined that the vast majority of people hurt on the job are those who are so overjoyed that they are literally leaping into their workplaces,” said report lead author Claire Ferraro, adding that 400,000 people a year trip and fall while sprinting up stairs two at a time because they can’t bear to wait for an elevator or break a bone while giddily cartwheeling down the hallway toward their cubicles. “We also see a substantial number of high-impact collisions between jubilant coworkers excitedly rushing to hug each other first thing in the morning. And in 2016 alone, thousands of employees who joyfully hopped onto their desks at the prospect of another day at the office sustained serious head injuries when they fell off while pirouetting.” The report also found that the number-one cause of workplace fatalities was flinging oneself from the roof at the mere thought of going home at the end of the day.
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