GREEN BAY, WI—Reports from Lambeau Field confirmed Sunday that a local Green Bay Packers fan, for whatever reason, evidently decided to at some point buy and now wear the team’s away jersey instead of its traditional green-and-gold jersey. “I don’t know why he didn’t just get the home one—he’s the only person at the game not wearing it,” said 29-year-old onlooker Alex Zimmer, noting that the Packers’ white away jersey is practically indistinguishable from every other team’s away jersey, all of which are also white. “It’s not like the away looks that much better or is any cheaper than the regular one. And I think he got it customized with his own name on the back, because that definitely isn’t the name of anyone on the team. Why not just get Aaron Rodgers or Clay Matthews? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy?” Baffled sources later added that based on the stitching, the jersey appears to be authentic, meaning the idiot must have reportedly blown at least 300 bucks on that fucking thing.
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