VIENNA—Citing its strong character and imperial heritage, a report from the local gentry confirmed Tuesday that when considering a name for one’s son, one could do little better than Fritz, for it is truly a fine, fine name for a boy. “Fritz is an excellent name for a young boy; a strong name; a virile name,” said local patriarch Karl Schönburg-Graetz, adding that any strapping young chap would be blessed to bear a Christian moniker with a pedigree as fine as Fritz—why, sources confirmed, it is what his own dear grandpapa was named, don’t you know? “For centuries, noble young boys have been named Fritz, and whyever not? It is a fine name, ideally suited to any firstborn son, such as my own, who is thusly called.” Schönburg-Graetz went on to add that, as far as names for a boy are concerned, Felix would simply not do.
More from The Onion