Report: Getting Parents Off Back Now Accounts For 38% Of Economic Growth

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EVANSTON, IL—Describing it as one of the most powerful trends driving markets nationwide, a new report released Thursday by the Northwestern University Department of Economics found that children getting their parents off their back now accounts for 38 percent of all economic growth. “Our findings indicate that nearly a third of the GDP growth rate stems from young adults carrying out an annoying request entirely in an effort to make their parents shut up about it,” read the report in part, also noting that more than $300 billion alone was spent last year by 18-to-28-year-olds reluctantly complying with repeated pleas to get a haircut, buy a proper winter jacket, or furnish their apartment with at least one item that did not look like it was “from the Goodwill or something.” “Furthermore, this demographic invested a significant amount of money in the economy by opening up IRAs after receiving numerous e-mails from their dad reminding them that it is never too early to start thinking about retirement. In fact, many of these young people entered the workforce in the first place simply because their parents would not stop badgering them about how it was time to move out or start paying a portion of the rent.” The report also expressed confidence that the trend would continue, as many parents demonstrated the capacity to continue pestering their children throughout their 30s and 40s.