PRINCETON, NJ—Saying that no system as equitable or impartial could be found within the realms of government, business, or academia, a study released Wednesday by Princeton University’s Department of Sociology found that limbo competitions are the nation’s last example of a pure meritocracy. “After an exhaustive search, we have concluded that the game of limbo is the sole remaining social structure in which rewards and accolades are doled out exclusively on the basis of participants’ ability,” said lead researcher Marvin Hall, adding that instances of people ducking beneath a progressively lowered bar until just one person remains represented the only scenarios in the U.S. in which factors such as the participants’ wealth, race, personal connections, or physical attractiveness played absolutely no role in determining the outcome. “Unlike nearly every other organizational system we analyzed, favoritism and corruption are completely absent from limbo. Those who can slip below the stick advance, and those who fail to pass beneath it do not; nothing else matters. This appears to be the only truly level playing field left anywhere in the country.” According to Hall, federal-level politics and casting for community playhouse productions of Bye Bye Birdie remained the least meritocratic systems in the United States.
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