ALBUQUERQUE, NM—A report released Wednesday by the University of New Mexico’s psychology department revealed that the majority of astronauts feel a deep sense of hatred and disgust towards humanity upon viewing Earth from orbit. “Our findings indicated that when looking down at Earth, nine in 10 astronauts reported experiencing an all-consuming revulsion towards their entire species,” read the report in part, adding that nearly all the astronauts surveyed for the study confirmed they were awestruck by how horrifying and vile mankind was as they gazed down at their home planet during space flight. “Regardless of their nationality or religious beliefs, the lion’s share of astronauts disclosed to researchers that observing Earth from their ships led them to conclude that we are all fundamentally similar rotten pieces of shit who inhabit the same pathetic pale blue dot. We found it notable that almost immediately upon exiting the atmosphere, astronauts experienced an acute awareness that humankind is a writhing mass of maggots, meaningless and purposeless in the ocean of nothingness that is the universe.” The report also found that the feelings of repugnance were so powerful that many of these astronauts began to wish they could remain in orbit and never return home.
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