DETROIT—A new report compiled at the Gratiot Avenue White Castle late Saturday night found that none of the eatery's patrons possessed any enthusiasm to meet new people. Data compiled between the hours of 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. in the restaurant's dining room revealed a zero percent interest in friendly chatter, group sing-alongs, exchanging bites of sandwiches, tabletop drum circles, or any other social activity. An equal percentage displayed no interest in posing for cell-phone photographs, with 11 percent hissing angrily when asked. According to the report, the only person in the building who exhibited any signs of friendliness was the shift manager, but even he wasn't interested in going back to the apartment and watching a bunch of UFC matches.
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