BOSTON—In an exhaustive analysis of the most up-to-date human anatomical studies, a report released Tuesday by researchers at Boston University’s School of Public Health concluded that it was completely possible for you to just lose an arm one day. “The data indicate that more than 99% of people who have lost an arm never thought it would happen to them, so why should it be any different for you?” said report co-author and epidemiologist Hannah Chabot, citing numerous case studies that suggest you could wake up in the morning with two arms and go to bed with one, simple as that. “Sepsis, gangrene, freak accidents, and even animal attacks are phenomena that occur to ordinary people every day. In fact, our research found that all it takes is a single instance of stepping into a crosswalk at the wrong time, and bam! No more arm for you. It’s honestly kind of amazing that you still have both of them.” Chabot went on to emphasize that the loss of limbs doesn’t have to stop at one arm, either.
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