Report: You Were Supposed To Be Looking Something Up Right Now

Illustration for article titled Report: You Were Supposed To Be Looking Something Up Right Now

CHARLOTTE, NC—Hopping online to quickly do, well we don’t quite remember, before ending up here, a new report from Stanford University showed Monday that you were supposed to be looking something up right now. The minutes-long study released today claims that there is definitely a reason you are online right now, but you saw a headline about a YouTube controversy, and then you saw this, and now you have kinda lost your train of thought. Sources confirmed that this is going to fucking kill you if you don’t remember it, too, because you remember hopping online with a purpose and it was only a few minutes ago, but maybe you should consider leaving this tab open because this story may have been related to what you were trying to do. The report concluded by suggesting you could rectify the problem by clearing your mind with a few minutes browsing one of our many excellent slideshows.