WASHINGTON—As part of a government effort to improve transparency in the allocation of national revenues, a personalized IRS report that arrived in your mailbox Tuesday confirmed your tax dollars last year went to defense contractor Raytheon as part of an effort to invent an exploding knife. “The percentage of your income that you paid to the U.S. Treasury in 2021 was immediately included in a Defense Department contract with Raytheon to test whether they could get a knife to blow up with a remote detonator,” read the report, which went on to state that your tax dollars were specifically spent on the carbon-fiber handle of an exploding-knife prototype that didn’t explode and was immediately thrown away. “In the interests of full disclosure, we wanted to inform you that while you had absolutely no control over where your personal tax contribution went, we trust that you’re pleased with our decision to earmark your hard-earned money for Raytheon’s proposal to develop a knife that can explode in someone’s hand, or maybe in an assailant’s stomach after they’ve been stabbed. Raytheon also told the Pentagon it had a really good idea for a knife that exploded into hundreds of tiny knives, a project Congress was eager to invest in. Ultimately, although the trials for this project did not produce enough tangible results to move forward, Raytheon submitted another idea for an artificially intelligent tire that rolls into terrorists, and that’s what your personal tax dollars are being used for in 2022.” The report added that the IRS was originally planning to give you a refund this year, but put the money toward the Raytheon CEO’s annual bonus instead.
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