Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address, and this is what they said.
“I liked when he called me Mr. Speaker.”
“That mask was so realistic-looking it almost made me think the real Joe Biden was talking.”
“He’s a puppet of the deep state spouting pedophilic indoctrination, but he’s just so goddamn hot that you can’t not watch.”
“Naturally, he didn’t even take the blame for everything that’s gone wrong in the history of this country.”
“I find it highly suspicious that he didn’t spend the entire speech talking about his son’s laptop.”
“When’s this coward gonna cut my Medicare benefits?”
“Having a sign language interpreter there made America look weak.”
“I don’t support Biden’s liberal policy of interrupting Tuesday night’s NCIS rerun.”
“Not once did he mention the beauty and milk-producing capacity of the regal Holstein cow.”
“Would it kill him to wear a tuxedo?”
“He talked about income inequality as if it were bad.”
“It should be Trump up there as president touting all of the Biden administration’s successes.”
“I’d like to speak to my lobbyists before I say anything on the record.”
“I almost wore the same suit as Biden. Can you imagine how gay we would have looked?”
“Not enough warmongering for my tastes.”
“I might’ve trusted him more if he’d conceded that not everything’s perfect and that he’s leading an army of groomers to sexually enslave our children.”
“President Trump never would have given a State of the Union address when he was in office.”
“I can’t believe I was ever worried we’d lose 2024 to this guy!”