Republicans React To Biden’s State Of The Union Address

Republicans React To Biden’s State Of The Union Address

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Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address, and this is what they said.

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Kevin McCarthy, Speaker Of The House

Kevin McCarthy, Speaker Of The House

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“I liked when he called me Mr. Speaker.”

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Henrietta Scholl, Border Patrol Agent

Henrietta Scholl, Border Patrol Agent

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“That mask was so realistic-looking it almost made me think the real Joe Biden was talking.”

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Samantha Jiménez, Cashier

Samantha Jiménez, Cashier

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“He’s a puppet of the deep state spouting pedophilic indoctrination, but he’s just so goddamn hot that you can’t not watch.”

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Laura Ingraham, Fox News Host

Laura Ingraham, Fox News Host

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“Naturally, he didn’t even take the blame for everything that’s gone wrong in the history of this country.”

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Alexandra Frenzick, Ski Instructor

Alexandra Frenzick, Ski Instructor

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“I find it highly suspicious that he didn’t spend the entire speech talking about his son’s laptop.”

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Benjamin Peterson, Retired

Benjamin Peterson, Retired

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“When’s this coward gonna cut my Medicare benefits?”

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Ted Cruz, Texas Senator

Ted Cruz, Texas Senator

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“Having a sign language interpreter there made America look weak.”

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Rob Hartke, Electrician

Rob Hartke, Electrician

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“I don’t support Biden’s liberal policy of interrupting Tuesday night’s NCIS rerun.”

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Chris Welles, Dairy Farmer

Chris Welles, Dairy Farmer

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“Not once did he mention the beauty and milk-producing capacity of the regal Holstein cow.”

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Roberta Gibson, Warehouse Worker

Roberta Gibson, Warehouse Worker

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“Would it kill him to wear a tuxedo?”

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Mike Braun, Indiana Senator

Mike Braun, Indiana Senator

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“He talked about income inequality as if it were bad.”

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Telly Gerhardt, EMT

Telly Gerhardt, EMT

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“It should be Trump up there as president touting all of the Biden administration’s successes.”

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Susan Collins, Maine Senator

Susan Collins, Maine Senator

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“I’d like to speak to my lobbyists before I say anything on the record.”

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Josh Hawley, Missouri Senator

Josh Hawley, Missouri Senator

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“I almost wore the same suit as Biden. Can you imagine how gay we would have looked?”

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Emilia Saunders, Nurse

Emilia Saunders, Nurse

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“Not enough warmongering for my tastes.”

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Gregg Park, Landscaper

Gregg Park, Landscaper

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“I might’ve trusted him more if he’d conceded that not everything’s perfect and that he’s leading an army of groomers to sexually enslave our children.”

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Marjorie Taylor Greene, Georgia Representative

Marjorie Taylor Greene, Georgia Representative

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“President Trump never would have given a State of the Union address when he was in office.”

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Charles Koch, CEO, Koch Industries

Charles Koch, CEO, Koch Industries

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“I can’t believe I was ever worried we’d lose 2024 to this guy!”

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You’ve Made It This Far...

You’ve Made It This Far...

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