SEATTLE—Concluding that the species is far more advanced than it pretends to be, researchers at the University of Washington have found that crows are smart enough not to let on how smart they really are, according to a study published Thursday in the Journal Of Field Ornithology. “After closely examining a variety of different crows over a series of months, we have concluded that their brains are so highly developed that they are actually able to play dumb,” said biologist Eugene Russo, adding that members of the Corvus genus have the cognitive capacities required to play their cards close to their chest and keep mum when it suits their interests, extraordinary behaviors not witnessed in any of their fellow bird species. “Beyond their well-known abilities to use tools and recognize faces, we cannot be certain what advanced skills they may be hiding, given that they can choose to act completely clueless and dimwitted in any situation they wish. It’s hard to get a read on crows. We haven’t even tried to place them on the avian IQ scale, because they probably have all kinds of street smarts that we don’t know about and that our metrics wouldn’t be able to account for anyway.” Russo went on to state that emus, however, are just as goddamn stupid as they appear to be.
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