Researchers Suggest Wild Horses Don’t Have To Worry About Any Of This

Illustration for article titled Researchers Suggest Wild Horses Don’t Have To Worry About Any Of This

They Can Just Run Free On The Plains With The Wind In Their Manes, Say Scientists Gazing Into Distance

NEW YORK—Peering into the middle distance with evident longing for something better, something more, researchers at Columbia University confirmed Tuesday that wild horses don’t have to worry about this, but only run free on the plains with the wind in their manes. “What we’ve found is that all these worries, these fears, these uncertainties mean nothing to a team of magnificent stallions galloping along the dust-strewn plains,” said Dr. Timothy Schneider, pausing to close his eyes as he vividly described the powerful haunches of the horses glistening in the western sunlight, pushing them ever onward toward the freedom that only they could ever know. “To live is to run and to run is to live—It’s all one and the same for these horses. That’s the way it’s always been for them out there in the unbroken wild. There’s no such thing as stress or disappointment when you’re out bounding toward the endless frontier. There’s only the blue sky above—so perfect blue, you’d swear it was a painting—and the hard clay below. That’s how it is for horses.” At press time, the researchers went on to suggest that maybe the reason we tame the splendor of wild horses is because of the haunting emptiness of our own lives.