FAIRBANKS, AK—Saying the pair sounded as if they were going through enough as it was, a respectful grizzly bear told reporters Friday that he was waiting to attack a tent until the couple inside had finished their fight. “I don’t want to make anything worse by barging in and mauling them while they’re in the middle of a big blowout argument,” said the bear, who added that while he was very hungry, his decision to hold off on devouring the campers would save him from an incredibly awkward situation and would save the couple from unnecessary embarrassment. “They seem to be going through a lot in there, so it only makes sense to give them a little space right now. Still, the second she storms out of that tent in a huff, I’m ripping them both limb from limb.” At press time, the bear confirmed he remained hungry, having decided the courteous thing to do would be to wait to enter the tent until the couple had finished having make-up sex.
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